A freak incident where an armed robber invades the studio gives Kit an idea for his latest money-making scheme. No, not robbery—though I wouldn’t put it past Kit—but selling increasingly ludicrous stories to the press. As the wretched newspapers of Fleet Street eat up Kit’s content, what is the limit to what they will accept?
About
The third episode of ‘Kit Curran’ aired on the 4th of August 1986 on Channel Four. It is the second series of ‘The Kit Curran Radio Show’, with a different name, one significant cast change, and a modified set up. Produced by Thames Television and created by Andy Hamilton, the second series sees Guy Jenkin join the writing team. This episode stars Denis Lawson as ‘Kit Curran’, Clive Merrison as ‘Damien Appleby’, Paul Brooke as ‘Les Toms’ and Lindsay Duncan as ‘Pamela Scott’.
Availability: Out on Region 2 DVD as of 2018. Also available on UK iTunes, but mislabelled as Series 1, in a confusing manner. The watch quality of the DVD is better than these screencaps suggest—it’s an improvement over the VHS rips of re-runs that were circling before it was released—but you can tell the footage hasn’t been best preserved.
The Street of Shame
We open with Kit roller skating into the studio, complete with Walkman, King Kit sunglasses, and a bright pink Kit Curran is King sweatshirt. Damien, unsurprisingly is unimpressed. Kit thinks it is the next big thing.
Their bickering is interrupted by a scream. They all ignore it the first time; Kit thinks it must be hysterical female fans. When it continues, Damien goes to investigate. He returns in a headlock. Someone has a very sharp knife and is attempting to rob the place.
As the robber threatens Kit—an utterly useless endeavour given how little money Kit has in his bank account—Les comes up from behind and whacks the robber over the head with the leg of ham he’d been saving. The robber falls to the ground unconscious. Pamela rushes in. Instantly, Kit attempts to take credit. But Pam saw exactly what actually happened.
The police arrive. They need to take statements from everyone involved. Once again, Kit attempts to play up his own part in it. The police are having none of it. The officer does seem a little disappointed that the situation is in hand when he arrived; he wanted the chance to tackle an armed robber, and the fame and glory that goes with it.
Les is left shaking after the entire business. So he falls back on the one thing he knows. Eating. Meanwhile, Kit tries to work out how he can make the most amount of money off this business. Then, a local journalist shows up, wanting to speak to Les about tackling the armed raider. Kit gets himself involved, haggling over Les’s appearance in the paper.
The journalist has a budget. He can pay up to £50 for a story, and upon hearing this, Kit agrees.
But Kit has bigger dreams. Wanting to take the story national, he realises he needs to make it more dramatic. He fakes an over dramatic crime scene, complete with bullet holes and fake blood. This is their new path to stardom, fame and fortune he declares. A reporter from the Daily Mirror turns up. The reporter, whilst having his doubts about Kit’s integrity, agrees to buy the story anyway—as long as it’s an exclusive.
… Of course, Kit is busy attempting to flog the story, with even more embellishments, to any paper who will listen. Exclusive? I doubt it. The Mail, the Express, the Sun… all of eat up Kit’s tale of Les’s daring do.
The next day, Kit and Damien take stock of the fruits of their efforts. It’s made all the papers. Damien is not impressed at the quality of the write ups. Anyone could write this rubbish.
Kit, meanwhile, has plans on taking Radio Kit global. He’s bought a satellite dish. They can broadcast all over the world. They’ll be famous!
Out for ‘elevenses’—which in Les’s case seems to just be lunch—the three of them are all caught in their own little world. Until Pam joins them. She’s been reading their exclusives, and she has a few criticisms. At some point in Kit’s over torturous explanations of the incident, the papers have come away with the idea that Pamela is Kit’s lover. Pam is not pleased.
Kit’s has a success though. The editor of the Sun has left them a message. If they have anymore stories like the last one, they should pass them on. Kit’s escapade has paid off. He’s now got license to make up whatever ridiculous nonsense he likes. And whilst Les disapproves, Damien joins in with gusto, finally getting to say his piece about what he thinks of the world and all the ridiculous people in it.
Not content with making stories up, Kit comes up with a plan to add some lurid photographs to go along with them. But in the middle of trying to get one, Damien ups and quits. He’s been offered a post at News of the World.
Four days later, Les and Kit are commiserating in the pub. Life isn’t going so well for them. But it isn’t for Damien either. He’s been fired. And Kit’s entire scheme has been rumbled; the News of the World is publishing an exclusive exposing him.
Kit’s foray in the news industry is over.
Verdict
This episode takes aim at newspaper culture. Whilst Kit’s scheming may seem ridiculous and over-the-top, the papers are there every step of the way to enable him. He wouldn’t have got half as far as he did if any of them had bothered to spend a moment fact checking one of his stories, or digging a little deeper. With the exception of the News of the World, which has since closed down, all the papers mentioned in this episode are still up to their old tricks.
While it’s a commentary on unscrupulous newspaper practices of the 1980s, it bears more of a resemblance to the intentional fake news agencies operating today. Kit and Damien aren’t concerned with the truth, only what will sell and make them more money. If Kit Curran took place in the current day, he would absolutely run a clickbait website.
Usually the voice of genuine objection to Kit’s schemes, here, Damien is fully onboard. His wit, zest, and utter despise for the standards of the press combine and he’s guilty of writing stories as lurid as Kit’s—though Damien’s are just a little more ascerbic than Kit’s. Despite this, he still ends up tangled in Kit’s schemes, finding himself posing in shirt and boxer briefs for a photographic illustration of one of Kit’s wilder stories.
Lindsay Duncan is in fine form threatening Kit this episode. Rightly so—Kit deserves it. Who’d want to be romantically linked to that rapscallion? Pam might be amused by most of Kit’s antics, but it’s clear that she can be pushed too far. And Kit is right up against that line.
Kit starts this episode with an incredible fashion statement. Honestly, the wardrobe on this show continues to be the best thing. The King Kit sunglasses from the first series have been dug back out, and this time he’s on roller skates! What a delight!
All in all? It’s another episode that’s specific to the time and yet far too relevant in the modern day. Kit would make a killing in 2019—and I don’t think he’d be a force for good. At least here he is contained by his limited reach, and the harm he does confined to just those immediately around him.
Next time
Kit’s latest scheme involves selling double-glazing, and it’s not going well. But a shock riot threatens to shake the foundations of his cosy little set up. Will Kit manage to come out on top this time? All that and more in Kit Curran: A Sick Society.