Kit, Les and Damien are betting their latest money-making attempt on being double-glazing salesman. But Kit isn’t going to let that mundaneity spoil his attempts at being rich and famous—or the local police discover his pirate radio show. But when a phony phone call to the police to get them off his back has unintended consequences, can Kit get out of this one?

About

The fourth episode of ‘Kit Curran’ aired on the 11th of August 1986 on Channel Four. It is the second series of ‘The Kit Curran Radio Show’, with a different name, one significant cast change, and a modified set up. Produced by Thames Television and created by Andy Hamilton, the second series sees Guy Jenkin join the writing team. This episode stars Denis Lawson as ‘Kit Curran’, Clive Merrison as ‘Damien Appleby’, Paul Brooke as ‘Les Toms’ and Lindsay Duncan as ‘Pamela Scott’. Guest starring is Alex Jennings as ‘P.C. Woods’, in one of his first roles.

Availability: Out on Region 2 DVD as of 2018. Also available on UK iTunes, but mislabelled as Series 1, in a confusing manner. The watch quality of the DVD is better than these screencaps suggest—it’s an improvement over the VHS rips of re-runs that were circling before it was released—but you can tell the footage hasn’t been best preserved.

A Sick Society

Once again, Kit is doing what he does best: making stuff up for the radio. His efforts are scuppered this time by Les, telling him to axe the show—a police car has been spotted, asking around about a pirate radio station. That’s what Kit gets for broadcasting without a license.

Kit is most displeased that valuable police resources are being wasted looking for him. Surely there are better things for them to do. He calls them up—on Pam’s phone, because Kit’s has been cut off—and gives them a tip about the mad axeman supposedly loose on Brentford High Street.

That done, and the police chased off, Kit goes back to haranguing Les about their latest money making scheme: selling double-glazing. Of course, Kit isn’t doing any of the hard work himself. He’s sending Les and Damien out to be hated by the masses, because no one likes a double-glazing salesman.

Les isn’t having any success selling double-glazing. Kit thinks this is because he radiates negative energy. Damien returns, with the news that a full on riot is happening outside. Les switches on the actual radio, and all residents are being advised to stay indoors. The four of them are stuck in the building for the night.

Kit, of course, immediately thinks this is a great idea. Someone should spend the night with Pam to make sure she’s okay. She, of course, declares she will be fine… until someone throws a brick through a window and she decides that, actually, bedding down with the rest of them is the wisest course of action for safety’s sake.

Pam, Les and Damien manage to bundle up all the blankets they can find and bed down for the night. Kit calls into the local radio station with his usual overdramatics, smashing things up as he makes the riot out to be much worse than it is. And also plugs his own radio show, because he never misses a chance for self promotion.

Everything is going about as well as to be expected when there is a knock at the studio entrance, and a cry for help. Pam decides to let them in, while the three boys think that is decidedly not the best course of action. But Pam gets her way. The man she lets in is clutching a television and … might not be quite the victim he claims to be.

And then the police turn up.

Luckily for Kit, and their resident looter, the policeman who turns up is extremely oblivious to just about everything that’s actually going on. Despite being ordered to go back out into the fray, the policeman decides that he’d much rather stay indoors, where it’s safe.

Resigned to their plight, everyone tries to get some sleep for the night. Everyone except Kit, who is shuffling about attempting to get close to Pam.

“I can’t drop off because of all the electrical activity in my brain.”

“Scientifically incorrect. Electricity cannot be conducted through a vacuum.”

A little while later, Pam wakes up at the sound of a noise. Scared, she wakes everyone else up too. They quickly discover their intruder has left, and taken quite a lot of their stuff with him: including the policeman’s radio!

The next morning, everything has calmed down. The rioters have dissipated. When Pam asks their policeman friend what caused the chaos, he says it was a joker with a tip off about the mad axeman… aka. Kit.

The town is a state. Windows smashed, and some very disgruntled shopkeepers. Kit’s attempts at being interviewed and making it into the national media are thwarted, but he spots one last opportunity… the chance to sell some double-glazing to all those shopkeepers who need their windows replaced.

Verdict

Kit really is determined to win Pam over. His interest is clear. His only problem? Every time he attempts something, she likes him less and less. Her tolerance for him is going to run out one day, and on that day, Kit may find himself six feet under. Kit might try a new tack every now and then—like in this episode, where he tries to desperately portray himself as a sensitive soul under all that bluster.

Here’s the thing: watching a man hit on a woman who’s clearly not interested should be excruciating to watch. It’s not funny. But the casting here is perfect. Kit is an unrepentant bastard with no redeeming qualities, that’s true, but Denis Lawson is just charming enough that you can understand how everyone around him gets sucked in. And in Pam, he really has met his match.

There’s one of the best gags in the show in this episode. Upon Kit’s disappointment with Les’s failure to sell any double-glazing, Kit thinks that Damien must be doing okay. Cut to Damien being chased by and angry mob, who are making their opinions on his sales techniques quite clear. The entire double-glazing thing is quite brilliant. Yes, it’s a terrible con, but for once, it’s not Kit who came up with this way of swindling innocent people out of their money. He’s almost—almost!—doing an honest day’s work. At least they are providing an actual service!

The writing in this episode is brilliant. There’s some very good jokes and one liners—Lindsay Duncan gets quite a few of them, which I always appreciate. And any insight into Damien’s mind—such as through his dreams—is bound to be entertaining, and this does not disappoint.

“And believe me, President Reagan, I am the man to head the Star Wars program,” is such a bafflingly nonsensical dream line for Kit to utter, even if it would bring him fame and success. On the other hand, are the writers going to pass up an opportunity to reference Lawson being a Star Wars alumni? Nope. Which is what makes it funny.

There are less guest stars in this series than the first—any characters outside the main four are often entirely incidental—but a very baby-faced Alex Jennings gets a good turn in this episode as a new cop on the block. According to IMDb, this was only his second television role, though he’s gone on to many since, but it’s always fun to see actors at the very beginnings of their careers.

All in all, this episode ranks among the best–it’s certainly one of my favourites. It’s a little delight, with some very witty lines, and the break from some of Kit’s wilder shenanigans is much appreciated. If you’re going to watch a one-off from the series, I’d recommend this one.

Next time

Another week, another money-making scheme. This time, Kit’s decided that they’re running a dating agency. As he attempts to match up various lonely hearts, Kit wonders if he needs to take a new direction in his own romantic pursuits. Will Pam be won over? Find out next time in Kit Curran: Blind Date.